Journies and Journals
by classicbananas
Summary: Bella moves with Renee to Chicago the summer before her senior year, and finds a journal belonging to Edward Masen in her room. Her curiosity gets the best of her, and she finds herself caught in something bigger than she ever imagined.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't think I've seen any stories like this around, and this concept really got me thinking. This is my first attempt at writing (on this site), so here goes nothing. **

**All characters Twilight related are not my property, I'm just using them for the purposes of this story. Same goes for all references to historical events/figures/songs. (I don't own them.)**

Chapter 1

My boxes were scattered across the otherwise empty room, stacked haphazardly. I kicked the one nearest me, and heard the gentle thump of what sounded like my stack of old journals that I kept strictly for sentimental reasons. I'd never actually filled up a journal before, though I made several attempts. The box I kicked held at least a dozen small notebooks or diaries, ranging from my childhood scribbles to my lame attempts at poetry from a few months ago.

The box just sat there, and I'm not sure what I wanted from it at the moment. The box didn't really deserve the angst-filled release I had just given it. It's not the box's fault I was sitting there alone in an old house in an unfamiliar city.

I had my mom, Renee, to thank for that. She decided at the end of my junior year of school to follow her boyfriend of one year, Phil, up to Chicago. Phil honestly was a nice guy, so I understood why Renee decided to relocate when he was traded to a Chicago minor league team from the Phoenix team he was playing on. Her contract as a teacher at the local elementary school was up, and despite the difficult times, she was able to find a teaching position open at a daycare in the Chicago area.

I followed her because my only other option would be to move to Forks, Washington and stay with my dad, Charlie, who I really only associated with awkward conversations during my summer visits, which ended right before I began high school.

I sat down in the room and looked at the bare walls. The house remained uninhabited for a while because the previous owners had died, and the house remained on the market during the housing crisis. We got the place for a steal, but some maintenance was required. I'd have to get some paint from the hardware store to cover up the cracking, faded walls.

The only thing decent about my room was my familiar light blue bedding, which I brought from Phoenix. Renee had made my bed for me, somehow maneuvering the awkward mattress despite her small frame. Renee could be a bit irresponsible at times, but she still loved me and went out of her way to do little things for me.

"What now?" I said to myself, sounding a bit idiotic. I'd never really talked to myself, and to only hear my voice in the room somehow made the situation a little lonelier.

Renee had asked if I wanted to go out tonight and see a bit of the city with her and Phil, her boyfriend, but I declined, thinking that I wanted to be alone and get my room in order.

I don't know if I knew what I wanted. But, as Renee and Phil were already out, I really had nothing better to do than unpack a little and make this house seem more inviting. I sighed and found my stereo in one of the boxes and plugged in my iPod, turning on some music. I danced a little as I unpacked the contents of each box, beginning with the one filled with my journals because, honestly, I felt bad for kicking it earlier.

As the stacks of boxes started getting smaller, I began to dance a little more; the familiarity of my possessions made me more comfortable. As I turned to change the song on my iPod, I hit a floorboard at a funny angle (I was never really graceful, so it was only a matter of time before I hurt myself dancing).

As I sat on the floor, cradling my ankle in an attempt to assess the damage, I looked at the offending floorboard. It was slightly tilted, with a corner rising about half an inch above the other floorboards. I crawled towards it, my face inches from the floor. Something was definitely up.

I tried to push the board down so it would lie uniformly with the others, but it wouldn't budge. If I couldn't push it down, then, I thought, I could pull it up and see what the problem was.

I tried to pull it up, but it was stuck. So, naturally, I tried to claw it out, a few of my fingertips bleeding a tiny bit as I tried to grasp the wood. I'd probably regret that later, I thought as I tried a new angle. This time, I pushed upwards on the board with the heels of my hands.

The board lifted enough to where I could pull it out carefully. Once free, I put it to my side with a resounding knock. I peered inside instead of blindly putting my hand in- I had seen enough Indiana Jones to know that putting your hand in a small hole only got you bitten by a giant spider. And I hate spiders.

Inside the small, exposed region was a photograph and a journal. The photo was black and white, with three people in the frame. It was a small, old, and worn, so I had to squint to make out the people. There were two men in the picture, and one woman.

I put the photo to the side and looked at the journal. It was really dusty- I ran a finger across the leather cover, and was disgusted by the amount of grey on my fingertip. This was a job for Kleenex. I brushed off the dust with the tissue over my trashcan, and collapsed face down on my bed, my stomach on the cover and my feet in the air.

I opened the cover and looked at the first page.

_Edward Masen_

Huh. He must have been the owner of this journal. I turned the page and found the first entry of the journal. I wavered slightly before looking down at the words. I began questioning myself: Should I be reading this journal? Would Edward mind?

Even if he wasn't alive anymore, there were probably some relatives that would love this intimate look at their father, uncle, what have you. If my grandma, Grams, had a journal, I reasoned, I'd love to read about her life, as she had died before I understood (as all children eventually learn) that other people had lives before I came into the world.

But then again, what else was there to do? The house was empty, the satellite TV wasn't installed… and I really hated unpacking.

I bit my lip and looked around the room once more, before reading the first entry of the journal.

_January 1, 1918_

Holy crow! Was I reading that right?

I examined the ink, and there was no smudge. The date really read 1918. It was over 90 years old, I reasoned out, doing the quick mental math.

_It's a new year. Mother bought me this journal as a Christmas present; she had mentioned that when she was about my age she began writing in a diary. I really see no reason not to try I, as I can always stop writing in it whenever I wish. I thought that this new journal should begin with a new year. A clean slate, so to speak._

_The war is still going on in Europe, and my classes resume in just under a week. I haven't seen much of my friends this holiday break. One of them, William, dropped out of school to work full time. He had just turned seventeen- his parents decided that he had learned enough to function properly in society. He plans on joining the army in a few years. Father says that it's only a matter of time until eighteen year olds will be allowed to fight. I look forward to the day, but Mother always ends the conversation whenever the war is discussed._

_I'm not looking forward to the return of school. What will Latin and History do to help me when I'm in the trenches? Father won't have 'any of this nonsense' because he thinks my education is important to help me get into college, so I can be a lawyer like him. I'm only sixteen and he's already planning on my going out east for my education._

_I'm getting tired, so I think I'll end this entry._

I looked down at the page written in flawless cursive. I didn't think I remembered how to write in cursive; my training in that department lasted only a few months in second grade. According to my teacher, we needed to know cursive because every adult uses it. How could she know that texting would eventually change the way we write, and instead of taking the time to loop our "L's" we'd be shortening words to almost unrecognizable acronyms?

Edward's story intrigued me. He was writing from a period of time I'd never given much conscious thought to. When I thought of the past I pictured one of three things: hoop skirts, World War II, or ancient Romans. That's not to say I wasn't knowledgeable about history; it's just that the History Channel never featured long segments on the turn of the century. It seemed like they always skipped from Lincoln to FDR.

I looked at my room: I still wasn't completely unpacked and my music had stopped playing, most likely because my playlist had just ended. Renee wouldn't be home for another couple of hours, so I turned the page and resumed my reading.

_January 14, 1918_

_I often forget to write in this notebook. Other times, I'll open it, but what would I write? Nothing of importance has really occurred. Father's got yet another case, so he's been working more than usual. Mother has been volunteering at the church. So that leaves me here alone a good portion of the time._

I know how you feel, buddy, I thought wryly to myself.

_Today I decided to go for a walk, though it is bitterly cold and windy outside. Mother finally gave me the coat that was supposed to be a Christmas present. She hesitated upon giving it to me, and insisted that she get it tailored, as I have grown at a rapid pace these past few months. She says I'm going to be as tall as my father one of these days, and I think I like that idea. He's a tall man, but also quite large. I'm secretly hoping that I don't get as wide as my father._

_I guess height is the one thing I'll have in common with my father. I'm always identified as "Elizabeth's son" because I share her coloring. Although, in personality I guess I do resemble my father. We're both quite introspective and quiet, while my mother could have a nice conversation with anyone, or host a party at a moment's notice._

_When I was walking, I decided to take a random path. There were few people outside: the occasional delivery boy, some people coming back from their jobs, some children playing in the snow, only to be admonished by their parents and dragged inside. _

_I eventually reached the part of our neighborhood that has more shops than homes, and quickly entered the music shop. I greeted Mr. Blackwell, the owner, and asked about any new selections._

_He quickly showed me the jazz section. Many were reluctant to try the new songs, apparently, but I was open to the change. When St. Louis Blues became a common song a few years ago, I was immediately intrigued by the new style._

_In the end I bought one jazz song, one ragtime song, and a book of Debussy's Preludes. I'm anxious to get to work on the preludes, but mother loves me to play the piano for company, especially the songs that they can all sing along to._

I heard the door open, so I closed the journal quickly. Renee's head peered into my room.

"Hey Bella," she said, a large smile on her face.

"Hi Mom. How was dinner?" What I really wanted to know was why she was home so early.

Renee's grin wavered a bit. "Phil surprised me. While walking around the city, oh it has such an amazing energy, Phil proposed to me." Her smile was broad once more and she paused shortly. "Isn't that great?"

"That's fantastic, mom!" I said as I walked over to her to hug her. "Really, that's wonderful."

She squeezed me tightly for a second and then let me go. "I wanted to come back here shortly to tell you. We actually have dinner reservations we need to get too…" She trailed off, assessing my reaction.

"Go! Have fun!" I said, nearly shooing her away from my room.

She gave my arm a small pat and left. When I heard the front door close behind her, I flung myself on my bed.

Renee wasn't old- she had me at a young age with Charlie, which led to their shotgun marriage, which led to their eventual resentment and divorce.

So having a new family with Phil wasn't out of the question- Phil had never been married and was right now coaching at the high school I'd be going to in a month. He loved kids.

Therefore, it'd only be a matter of time before they'd want their own.

No matter what was going to happen with Renee and Phil, I really didn't want to think about it at the time. There would be enough time to stress about it later. Besides, I wanted to get back to this journal.


	2. Chapter 2

**So something apparently happened with this chapter update yesterday- lots of people couldn't get to the next (this) chapter, so I'm posting it again, hoping that everything got corrected. Technology hates me, I swear.  
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**I don't own anything associated with the Twilight universe. **

**Chapter 2**

_February 2, 1918_

_I still haven't gotten used to journaling. There hasn't been much going on the past few days, but I guess that's all the more reason to be writing. When I look back on this journal, I'll want to remember the little things. The larger events, like what happened tonight, will likely stick with me regardless of my journaling._

_Mother's charity organization held a ball downtown. I resisted, but she reminded me that most of my seven classmates would be there. More and more in my class have been leaving the confines of the high school to become full time workers. The remaining eight of us are staying in school for the hopes of a college education. At least, that's what my father wants._

_So we all went to the ball. Mother made me tame my unruly hair, no matter how much I prefer it in disarray. Her efforts were futile, as my hair returned to its normal state within an hour. I was also dressed in my nicest suit._

_I've always disliked entering a ballroom. Most people immediately turn to see the newcomers, and I abhor that attention. Usually my mother's friends immediately swarm to us, telling me which of their daughters to ask for a dance._

_Though the attention is often unsettling, I do appreciate the dancing. I often forget how much fun it can be, and once it begins, I instantly remember._

_I asked a neighbor, a girl two years younger than myself, for a foxtrot, and it was obvious she had been practicing. Her movements were effortless, and she was instantly asked for dances by other, more age appropriate boys once our dance had finished. _

_It was the girl standing off to the side that caught my eye later that night. She was a year above me, a senior, from my school. She had transferred at the beginning of the spring session, though, and we had never actually met. Her hair was a beautiful golden blonde, and her eyes were the darkest blue I had ever seen._

_I approached her cautiously. "May I have the next dance?" I asked, pointing it out on her dance card._

"_Only if you can guess my name," She said, her blue eyes sparkling. _

"_Hmmm," I said, rubbing my imaginary beard as I pondered. "Could it be Mary?"_

_She shook her head. "Of course not. Much too common. You can do better than that."_

_I thought it over. "Well, I'll have to ask someone else to dance. You've given me absolutely no help…" _

"_All right. Have fun during your," she paused looking down at her dance card to find the upcoming dance "…waltz. Ooh, looks like I got lucky with that one. I hate the waltz." She shuddered._

_I frowned, disheartened. I walked away from her solitary spot and went to grab a drink. As I reached for the glass, a small voice whispered in my ear._

"_Lily." I turned around to find the girl on her toes, a shy smile on her face. "My parents call me Lillian, but I much prefer Lily, if you don't mind."_

"_Hello, Lily. My name is Edward," I said, extending a hand, grinning slightly. _

"_Pleasure," She giggled._

"_May I have this dance?" I asked dramatically, bowing slightly. _

"_Of course, but remember this: I tried to spare you," She replied cryptically._

_By the end of the dance, I realized the meaning behind her words. She was a terrible dancer. Words cannot accurately describe it. She fell over twice, ripped the hem of her dress, and, I'm fairly sure, broke one of my toes. After the dance, she pulled me off to the side of the dance floor and led me to the balcony outside._

"_I warned you," She said laughingly. I couldn't help but laugh with her. "Here, turn around really quickly."_

_I did as she asked, and when I faced her, she held two cigars and some matches. "How-"_

_She cut me off. "It's my little secret. It's such a wonderful night..." I smiled at her choice of words. It was extremely windy and cold. "Will you join me?"_

_Her eyes were sparkling once again, as she held one now lit cigar towards me. I had never smoked one before, so I took it cautiously, wanting to see why my dad, as well as every other stereotypical lawyer and politician, enjoyed this pastime._

_I took a big breath in, and immediately began coughing. Lily laughed at me and held her own cigar to her lips. Mere seconds later, she was coughing, her eyes watering. "Blazes, that is dreadful!" She laughed in between coughs._

_I agreed and laughed and coughed with her. We put the cigars away and returned to the ballroom, slipping easily into the crowd._

_I like Lily. Her company is extremely refreshing._

I smiled at the page. Edward and Lily were quite the little rebels. I snickered, comparing the cigars to what I knew girls in Phoenix did in the alley. Times really have changed.

I flipped the page, and read on.

_February 10, 1918_

_A group of my classmates, as well as a few seniors, invited me with them to go to the movies yesterday. We all filed in the theater, and I ended up sitting on the end, with another open seat next to me.  
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_Just before the lights went out, I saw Lily slip into the empty seat. It only made sense that she'd be invited along as well, I reasoned, as she was a part of the senior class, and our class sizes were rather small._

"_Hello, Eddie."_

_I wrinkled my nose at her nickname for me. I've always preferred 'Edward' to 'Eddie', 'Ed', or even the occasional 'Ward'. "Lillian," I greeted her, and she stuck out her tongue. _

_The shorts began to play, and we all sat through them, watching the latest in the news, as well as funny little films. The theater we chose to go to had a piano player accompanying the film inside the theater, so in-between the feature, Tarzan, and the shorts, he led us in a sing along, during which Lily would occasionally change the words as to make me laugh._

_So I began to do the same as well. We'd look at each other in the corners of our eyes and try to keep our smirks from transforming into fits of laughter._

_When the lights got dimmer and the feature began to play, I whispered to her "You're outrageous."_

"_You're just as guilty," she replied, folding her arms over her dress. "Besides, I'm a lady. I'm proper and dignified."_

_I laughed. "You're keeping me from the movie."_

_And it was true- the film had begun in earnest and the credits had stopped. After the story had developed a little and we first saw the young Tarzan in the jungle, I heard Lily sigh._

"_I've always loved the jungle- even just the idea of the jungle." Lily whispered, her eyes focused on the screen. "There's so much to discover. You know, they say that we have yet to discover hundreds of species? I'd like to see it myself one day."_

_I frowned. I did appreciate the escapism that the film provided, but by no means would I like to be in the jungle for an extended period of time. "I wouldn't last one day. I'd probably get eaten by a hippopotamus the minute I set foot in the jungle." I added, trying to keep the conversation light._

_She giggled. "But hippos seem so tame! All they do is wallow a little, maybe swim a little,"_

"_And eat you a little," I finished for her._

_She brushed off my comment. "They just eat grass. They're harmless little things! Well, not exactly little, but you get my meaning."_

"_That's what you think- you turn your back on a hippo for one moment and you'll instantly regret it."_

"_Ha, I better not put you in the company of a truly frightening animal, like a bear, or a mountain lion." She smiled, before turning around to see a rather unhappy usher. _

"_Ma'am, please refrain from speaking in the theater. Others are trying to enjoy the film." He said in a harsh whisper. _

_Lily blushed- an occurrence I hadn't thought possible as she always seemed so sure of herself. When the usher left the area, she hit me on the arm. "You got me in trouble."_

_I smirked. "You deserved it; you just can't seem to keep your mouth shut!"_

"_Sir, must I warn you and your lady again?" The usher, who apparently had returned, scolded. "Keep your voices down."_

_Lily and I had to keep from laughing when the usher, finally, left._

_At the end of the movie, everyone in the group began going their separate ways, depending on where they lived. Robert, who drove me there, and I walked off together in the car he 'borrowed' from his father._

"_So, Edward, tell me. Did I notice you and Lily didn't pay too much attention to the film?" Robert said, raising his eyebrows suggestively._

"_Yes, she's good company," I replied sincerely._

_Robert laughed a little to himself and dropped the subject, luckily. He had his own girl he was going steady with, Eleanor. So he knew when to stop a conversation because it was getting too personal._

_When I got home, I went straight to my room to write this all down. I haven't decided how I feel about Lily. Right now I consider her a friend, but who knows what the future knows?_

I wanted to know what the future holds, dammit! And I wanted to continue reading, but my stomach was grumbling.

I found a bookmark on my desk, I had several because Renee thought that I loved books and therefore could use dozens of bookmarks for birthday and Christmas gifts, and placed it gingerly in the pages of the journal. I looked at it, sitting on my bed, and frowned.

I don't know why, but I was unsure of whether I wanted Renee to know about the journal or not. So I put it in my side table, under the most recent book I had read.

When I got downstairs, I saw Renee on her laptop, looking at pictures of wedding cakes. She had really taken to this wedding planning, even if she had only been engaged for a day.

"Hey, mom," I said, announcing my presence.

Renee looked up from her computer, startled. "Hey there, Sweetie." She said, turning her laptop around to show me the screen.

"How do you like this design? I'm thinking that these cakes may be a bit plain." She looked at me, wanting my opinion.

"Yeah, they could probably add some flowers or something to make it pop out a bit more," I suggested, though I found nothing wrong with the ten or so pictures of cakes that lined her screen. But Renee was much more outgoing and carefree than myself, so I reasoned that simple traditional styles wouldn't be her thing. "Isn't it a bit soon for this, though? Shouldn't you be reveling in your engagement, rather than planning?"

She blushed a little and sat up a bit in her seat. "I thought I told you yesterday; we want the wedding in October, before it gets too cold, but still enough time to get things in order. Didn't I mention that?"

I frowned and shook my head. "No, I don't think you said that."

"Well, we are. Phil and I talked about it and decided it'd be the best timing. Do you want to help me plan? I don't know if I can afford a true Jennifer Lopez type wedding planner, so right now I'm doing this solo." She said hopefully.

I sighed, and plastered a huge grin on my face. "I'd love to. What do you want me to do?"

She smiled. "Well, right now we're toying around with October 4th. That'll give us about three and a half months to plan, send out invitations, and order things for the wedding itself."

"Sounds like a plan," I said. The news of her engagement last night didn't exactly take me by surprise. Phil was a good match for her, and I knew that it was only a matter of time.

The short time until her wedding, however, was another story. But, it's what Renee wanted, and in the end I just wanted her to be happy. I'd seen her brokenhearted a few times in the past, and I didn't want to see it again. So I'd do what I could to help her with her wedding, and be the support she needed, I surmised.

After all, I wasn't the only one in a new city. The only person Renee had, other than me, was Phil. Though she wouldn't show it, she did need the little support I could give.

After making myself some soup, I decided it was time to go to the store. Renee had gotten a few groceries, but nothing that would last more than a few days, and that was if we got really creative with the little food we had.

"I'm going to go to the grocery store," I told Renee.

"Okay, here, let me give you some money. I asked Phil if he wanted to have dinner here tonight, like take-out pizza or something. Does that work for you?" She asked, searching through her wallet before handing me a few twenties.

"Thanks, that sounds great," I responded. I grabbed the money for her and went upstairs to grab my purse. I eyed my side-table longingly, and scolded myself.

That journal was beginning to be an obsession. I'd have to pace my reading; I had already searched the open space of the floorboard for more journals, but there was only the one.

I went back downstairs, after slipping the journal into my purse.

I was weak.

Besides, it was getting good! Edward had met Lily, and I was anxious to figure out what happened.

Once outside, I realized I didn't know the area at all. I assumed there would be a grocery store inside. If not, I'd ask someone. It was a plan.

As I walked in the hot afternoon sun, I was honestly a little shocked. I thought the north would just be cold, but apparently not. For someone living in Phoenix for the majority of their life, could you blame me? I took off my thin sweater that covered up my tank top, and tied it purposefully around my waist.

The trees that lined the sidewalks were large and provided much needed, and appreciated, shade. I looked to my right as I walked, and saw several houses that were similar to the one Renee and I moved into.

They were mostly two-story buildings, some lined with brick, others with wood paneling. The ones with paneling were often painted in pastel colors, like light yellow or light blue. I liked the feel of this neighborhood.

However, it was apparent that things have changed over the years. Some of the homes were actually apartment buildings, relatively newer additions to the area. But all of the houses had some variety of flowers in the window boxes. It really was a quaint feel, even in the middle of such a large city.

About six blocks from my house was a small line of shops, and I instantly wondered if this was the same group of stores that Edward had written about in one of his journal entries.

I didn't see the music shop, but so many years had passed that even if this was the same area Edward had walked in, few, if any, of the stores were likely the same. I did notice, however, a large grocery store. I was unfamiliar with the name, but most grocery stores were regional, so I didn't really expect to know it.

I got some fruits and vegetables, as well as various cereals, frozen meals, and other foods. I also got some turkey and other meat. I figured I could make a big salad with our pizza tonight, so I also got some salad dressing. I was excited that Renee's vegetarian phase had ended last February, when Phil took her to a nice restaurant for Valentine's Day.

Armed with four bags of groceries, I hobbled my way back to our house, sighing with relief when I saw the familiar dark blue paint on our home with white edged windows and shutters. I knocked on the door with my foot, unable to free up one of my hands.

Renee answered the door, her cell phone held in place on her shoulder by her cheek. "Hey, Bella. You found the store okay? Hold on a minute, Phil."

"Yeah it's pretty close. I have some change," I said, pulling it out of my pocket when the groceries were placed on the counter. "Can you put these away for me?"

"Sure thing," She smiled. "Alright honey, I'm back."

I smiled and ran up to my room, pulling Edward's journal out of my purse, and then throwing my purse into the corner. I didn't use it often.

_February 14, 1918_

_Valentine's Day. I never really understood the tradition, but it is rather festive. Father surprised mother with a bouquet of roses, and a nice dinner in the city tonight. _

_We were told to make small valentines for our classmates in homeroom, though the act is rather childish at this point. Five of my seven classmates are in relationships, and six of my classmates are boys. So, it was a bit awkward. But our teacher, Miss Taylor, was pleased by the exchange. _

_Apparently, the other junior homeroom classes did not have the same sort of valentine exchange._

_However, I saw a small, pink heart in my locker at the end of the day, when I went to put back my books. Curious, I picked it up and noticed it was a card._

"_Edward,_

"_I noticed your class was one of the few to exchange valentines, and even though you now have a handful of valentines, I thought you could use another._

"_Can you meet me tomorrow after school next to the track?_

"_Lily."_

_What am I supposed to make of this? Does she just want to talk?_

_I don't know what to make of her, and I'm hoping I'll find out soon._

I was just as curious as Edward. What _were_ they going to do?

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter- I originally had something that went in a completely different (and much more boring) direction, but scratched it the minute I thought of the possibility of Lily.**

**Please review so I know how I'm doing, what you think of the story, or where you think the story is going!**

**Thanks for reading- I'll update again later this week.**


	3. Chapter 3

**It's been a while since my last update- there's been a lot of stuff going on, so unfortunately I didn't always have the time to write or edit. Also, this is slightly shorter than my last few chapters, but hopefully the content makes up for it.**

**Chapter 3**

I was convinced I was going to die a painful death by pizza. I had no idea that when they said 'Chicago stuffed pizza', they meant _stuffed._

Renee and Phil weren't fairing much better, from the looks on their faces. Well, Phil's face honestly always had a bit of that look to it, but it was plain that we underestimated the now half-eaten pizza sitting in front of us.

"I can't do it," I said, looking for something in the refrigerator to calm my stomach, like Ginger Ale. I dumped the rest of my slice into the trash and put my dish in the dishwasher.

I only had a piece and a half of the stuff and I could feel my insides twisting and turning.

"Mind if I go back upstairs?" I asked Renee and Phil, holding my stomach. "I really need to lie down or something."

"Sure," Renee said, taking the remaining plates to the counter. "Phil and I were just going to watch a movie or something."

I nodded and went back to my room, closing the door behind me. I sighed and sat in the all too familiar spot on my bed. My stomach was aching a bit, and I found myself drifting asleep. I was too lazy to stop this from happening.

I woke up with a yawn, well rested. I slid my feet over the side of the bed for a moment before standing on my bedroom floor. I did a couple of casual stretches, some that I remembered from my middle school PE classes, and others weak interpretations of Renee's yoga poses. Once I felt sufficiently awake, I turned back to the bed, eyeing the journal that was on my bedside table.

I couldn't resist the temptation, so I read on.

_February 15, 1918_

_I'm not sure what I was expecting from Lily, but I certainly didn't expect what happened this afternoon._

_After school ended, everyone ran to their lockers and out of the building to enjoy the weekend. I put up my books in my locker and walked outside, opposing the flow of students, to the track field._

_The snow was piled up around the track, though no one was actually using the track at this time of winter. In just under a month, though, our track season would begin again. It has been too long since I've had a good run._

_I stood there alone just outside the track; my cheeks stung from the bitter wind. I kept my hands in my pockets and knew I'd only have just over an hour of sunlight left to light my walk home. Where was Lily?_

_As I waited, wondering that very fact, I was assaulted. I had walked into an ambush._

_I wiped the freezing snow off of my shoulders and the back of my neck and turned to find Lily, crouched against the side of the track, mostly obscured by the big piles of snow I noted earlier._

"_You don't fight fair," I scolded her, keeping my eyes on her as I made a snowball with the snow gathering around my feet. _

"_I never said I would," She replied, hurling another snowball over her protective barrier. _

"_I don't believe you said __anything __about this," I replied, arching my own snowball in her direction. I heard a high pitched shriek and knew I hit my target._

_I didn't see any movement from her area, so I honestly became a bit worried. I wasn't completely senseless, however; I made some small snowballs as I walked up to Lily's makeshift fort._

_I was immediately pelted by two snowballs, and chased her as she began to run away. She was quite agile, but I was easily faster than she. However, when I caught up to her, she turned around abruptly, perhaps checking to see how close I was, perhaps to taunt me, who knows why she does what she does._

_When she turned, I immediately collided into her, and I lost my balance. Suddenly, she was lying on top of me in the snow._

_She looked around, and she blushed. I didn't even realize she was capable of the action; she always appeared so confident. "Hi there," she said softly, a smile playing on the corners of her lips._

"_Hey yourself, you got my coat all wet," I said, beginning to feel the chill from the snow seep into my shirt._

"_It's not my fault you can't stand upright for an extended period of time," she smirked._

_I reached behind me, grabbing a bit of snow, and patted her on the back with it. The shock in her face was priceless, and I helped her up off of me. "It's not my fault you bring out the inner eight year old brat in me."_

_What I said was true. I can't remember the last time I had a snowball fight, let alone the last time I had been tackled by a girl. If my parents were watching my actions in the past five minutes, I doubt they'd let me inside the house for a week._

_I was raised to respect women, and treat them like the 'delicate creatures they are', according to my mother. Apparently, she hadn't met Lily. Something about Lily really does bring out the worst in me._

_Lily frowned. "And here I was thinking I was a good influence on your young, pure soul. Shame on me!" She laughed as she let her hair flow out of the bun she had styled it in for school. It had gotten wet and quite messy. "Enough of this; we'll catch our death out here in this weather in the state we're in."_

_She began walking towards the gate, and once we went through it she turned to the right. I paused. "My house is to the left," I said, gesturing in the general direction._

"_Nonsense. You're walking me home. I don't think your parents would approve of the state you're in- you'll need some time to get dry before they see you."_

"_You don't even know my parents," I reminded her. This fact nearly stopped me in my tracks. I was so comfortable around Lily, it's like I've known her my whole life. But we met less than a month ago._

"_That may be, but you looking like a sick dog won't give your parents the best impression of me," She replied._

_I shook out my hair, letting the melting snow hit the sidewalk, and ran my fingers through it. "So what __will__ make my parents have a good impression of you?" I asked._

"_Easy. I can be my charming, lovely self," she said, twirling on the sidewalk ahead of me._

"_You can be charming?" I asked teasingly._

"_Yes, in fact, I can. And you would know that, if you'd give me a chance," she said winking in my direction. _

_I didn't really have a reply to that, and we walked in amiable silence for a few blocks. Eventually we arrived at a large, light yellow house with white windows and trim. There was a large porch that spanned the width of the house, and the front left corner of the house was turret-like, with large windows._

"_This is me," Lily said with a small smile. "Do you want to come in?"_

_I smiled and shook my head. "I don't think I should today. Not while I'm looking like a drowned cat."_

"_It was a sick dog, but I guess whatever works for you," she said, her eyes sparkling._

"_I'm not much of a dog person," I said. "Anyways, I really should be heading home. It'll be late soon."_

"_I understand," Lily said, walking closer to me. Before I realized what she was doing, she leaned up towards me, most likely standing on her tip toes, and kissed me on the cheek._

"_Thanks for walking me home, Edward," she said softly before turning towards her house._

_I stood there a moment in shock, but a smile grew on my face that to this very moment, hours later, I still can't get rid of. Mother probably thought I had been struck dumb by the way I grinned for no apparent reason during dinner. Father just shook his head and smiled along with me._

_The kiss was so quick, so spontaneous… so Lily in every way. Although, I'm sure I'm beginning to come down with a cold. _

I smiled like an idiot into the page.

I was definitely becoming too attached to this story. But, in my defense, Lily and Edward were adorable!

I felt my stomach turn, and I couldn't tell if it was upset, or if I was still hungry. I walked downstairs and saw Phil and Renee curled up on the couch together in front of the TV. They were watching a romantic movie, apparently, because two people, who appeared to be the two main characters, were kissing as emotional string orchestration played in the background.

As I watched the scene in the living room unfold, I saw Renee rest her head on Phil's shoulder. I felt like I was intruding on a moment, which I probably was.

I sighed and went into the kitchen, feeling like a third wheel. Maybe even a fifth wheel, depending on how Edward and Lily's relationship developed.

I opened the refrigerator and saw the usual healthy options, several fruits, some whole wheat bread, and some yogurt. But, I went straight for the leftover pizza. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad this time around. I grabbed a slice and watched it heat up in the microwave, the layers of cheese melting even further. My stomach grumbled in excitement.

This third wheel thing was probably not going to be good for my waistline, I thought idly as I sprinkled some crushed red pepper on the pizza slice. It tasted even better than it did earlier this evening.

I finished the slice by the counter, staying in the kitchen so I wouldn't bother Renee and Phil. I savored each bite, knowing it would bite back in half an hour or so.

When I was completely done, I cleaned up all evidence of my late night food run and quietly scurried back upstairs.

_February 17, 1918_

_I didn't go to church this morning with Mother and Father. Instead, I stayed home in bed, as my cold has gotten progressively worse. Mother has been feeding me soup, but I can't keep it down._

_I hope I can go to school tomorrow, one of the few times I've ever wished it, so that I can see Lily and ask her about our last encounter. I feel like I'm always the one wanting to know why things are happening the way they are when it comes to me and Lily. Yet Lily never seems to care, and continues to surprise me._

_As hopeful as I am for the future, I'm equally afraid. Though I haven't known Lily for long, she has become a dear friend, something I don't want to lose. And if I'm being truly honest with myself, I'm not sure if it's something I'm willing to change at the moment._

_****_**Hope you enjoyed it! Please review- let me know if I'm on the right track, what you think is going to happen, anything!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_February 18, 1918_

_My cold is persistent. I couldn't get out of bed this morning, both due to my illness and Mother's insistence that I stay inside. It's still snowing outside; I can see it collecting further on my windowsill. _

_Lily surprised me with a visit this afternoon. Mother was quite surprised; she knows enough of my life to safely assume my friends are all boys, which would have been true until this past week. Mother sat in the room, knitting a scarf in the corner, after escorting Lily into my room._

_She smiled a little sheepishly, her hands behind her back._

_I sat up as much as I could manage in my bed. "Hello, Lily. I hadn't expected to see you until I returned to school."_

_Mother raised an eyebrow, wondering if this was really the truth. If I hid the existence of a friend from her, in her Irish-Catholic mind, what other more unspeakable things have I hidden from her?_

_Lily pulled up a chair, and sat down. "I brought some notes from your teachers. One of your other friends was going to bring it over here, but I insisted on bringing them over myself."_

_I nodded and glanced over the pages she handed to me briefly before setting them on my nightstand. "Thank you for bringing these over." I paused, getting a small coughing fit. _

_Lily smiled softly and pulled out a handkerchief. I grabbed it gratefully, and muttered "Shouldn't I be the one handing you a handkerchief and carrying your notes?"_

_She laughed, her head falling back a little. "Oh, I'm a big girl. I can certainly handle myself." With that, she stood up to her full five-foot two-inch stature. She paused as she looked out my window. "It's getting dark and my parents are expecting me soon," she stated, looking down to me._

_She turned to Mother, who now stood by the door. "Thank you for letting me into your home, Mrs. Masen," Lily said._

_Mother smiled kindly at her. "Let me walk you down," she suggested, and walked out the door._

_Lily turned to follow, but she hesitated and turned back to me. "Edward, sleep well."_

_Before I could respond, she had retreated into the hallway. Mother returned not two minutes later._

"_She seems kind enough," she remarked, not unkindly. She was prodding me for information._

"_She is," I responded, getting further under my covers. The wind was audible as it brushed against our home. Mother moved the chair back to my desk._

"_I'm going to make some supper for you," she stated._

_I didn't respond. I was too exhausted. What felt like two hours later, I didn't care enough to examine a clock, a bowl of soup was on my nightstand. Mother had just set it down._

_I looked up at her, my throat scratching as I spoke. "So did you like Lily? She's become a sort of close friend in the past weeks."_

_Mother smiled. "She really does seem nice." Then she commented that she and Lily had shared a conversation downstairs, but refused to elaborate._

_Then she left me with my soup, without another word. Mothers can be so frustrating!_

I couldn't help but smile as I related to that last part. Renee had lately been spending more time at Phil's apartment, which was only a short walk away.

I've yet to see the place.

Lately, I've been having more and more time to myself. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's just strange.

Renee and I have always had Saturday night plans together, doing everything from seeing movies to staying home and painting our nails. Some outings, like late night rollerblading, were obviously more catered to Renee's ideas of fun. I still have a scar from that specific activity. However, we always ended up enjoying each other's company, and have rarely missed our Saturday night plans.

This is the third Saturday in a row that Renee has cancelled on me.

I'm not blaming Phil, he's truly a nice person, but traditionally, when Renee has a date or a girls' night out, she has it any other night than a Saturday.

This third wheel thing is really beginning to bother me.

I shut the journal, leaving the photo that I found with it as a place marker. I had tried several times to discern anything from the photo, any details of the people's features, anything. However, as much as I inspected it, I could never make out anything besides the basic fact that it was a portrait of two men and a woman. I'm nearly positive it's Edward and his family, but there's no writing on the back to prove me right.

I've been biting my nails as I've been reading the journal, an absent-minded habit I've developed as an avid reader. I looked down at my jagged fingernails, frowning.

I couldn't find my nail file when I had unpacked my boxes. I'm fairly certain that they were either confiscated by the airport security when we flew up here, or I simply left them somewhere lying around in our old home in Phoenix.

So I went into Renee's bedroom. She typically had a steady supply of bathroom supplies, ranging from the small (nail files, travel-sized toothpastes) to the completely ridiculous (she had four loofahs and likely more bath salts than Bath and Body Works).

Her room was a mess. Various blouses draped over the small chair in the corner of the room, partner-less shoes lined the floors to the point that the carpet was visible yet it was difficult to maneuver around the footwear. And I was supposed to be the teenager.

Her bathroom was no better. I ignored the chaos that was her makeup and soaps and looked under her sink.

Just as I suspected, I found various cosmetic bags filled with nail polishes, nail files, and nail clippers. There was even a foot-bath, but I neglected to take it with me. When I was finished with my conquest (I had grabbed a few nail polish bottles and a file) I noticed a box pushed off to the side.

I set down my supplies and knelt down to reach the box. It was lighter than I had anticipated; it was only a box, nothing was inside of it.

As soon as I looked at the front of the box, I nearly dropped it out of shock. It was a pregnancy test: a value pack pregnancy test, the kind that packaged in bulk from a superstore. There was no sign of any of the eight tests, as advertised on the box.

I grabbed the box with me and hastily left, returning back to my room. I threw the box in the corner and glared it as I filed my nails.

Was she actually pregnant? Did Phil know about this? If she's pregnant, how far along is she?

I applied a base coat to my nails. As an experienced nail biter, I find that painting my nails helps me stop my habit, at least for a while.

I glanced back up to the box. Phil would be ecstatic if she was pregnant. He would make an excellent father.

And Renee would be an excellent mother. Though she hasn't exactly been the most mature mother with me, she's had her reasons. She was in her twenties while I was in elementary school. She never really connected with my friend's moms, who often looked down on her because of her age.

The more I tried to distract myself by painting my nails, the more I came to terms with the idea. I began to feel less like a third wheel and more like the fourth awkward leg of a chair that isn't quite the same height as the other three legs. I was now the awkward leg that made the chair wobble.

My nails finally finished drying, so I returned to the journal, to someone who couldn't possibly know what it feels like to be the odd one out.

I returned to Edward.

_February 22, 1918_

_The week has passed quickly in a fog of sickness and mindless reading for my classes. I'm sure I'll have to reread my texts next week and actually understand them, but I hated feeling useless. I can't just sit in this bed all the time, I have to do __something__._

_Lily visited daily, providing me with school work and assignments. On Wednesday she even brought some chocolate for me. "I heard it's good for you" she said conspiratorially, trying to hide the sweets from Mother, who sat in the room during Lily's visits. _

_Today, however, I woke up in the morning, breathing easily and clearly. I insisted on going to school, but Mother suggested I stay the extra day, to ensure I was completely better. _

_This afternoon, however, right before Lily's visits occurred, I put on an extra sweater under my wool coat. I slipped out of the house and waited on the corner, the wind crisp, my lungs taking in every bit of fresh air they could get. _

_I didn't have to wait long until a small form walked towards me. The sky was clear, the sun making the few feet of snow sparkle. _

"_I knew the chocolate would cure you!" Lily shrieked. Her pace quickened as she registered my presence. _

"_It did. I'm a free man!" I said proudly._

"_Well, then, shall we exploit this new-found freedom of yours?" She asked, her blue eyes twinkling expectantly._

"_I wouldn't have it any other way," I said, holding out my arm for her._

_She gladly wrapped her arm around mine and we walked without purpose down the sidewalk._

"_I can't wait for the summer. It's so dreadfully cold. And I need a change of setting," she sighed._

"_Where would you go?" I asked._

"_Michigan. My father grew up in a small town along the lake. We share a summer home-my grandparents' old home- with my aunt, uncle, and cousins," she said. She looked up at me. "You'd love it, of course. Everyone does."_

"_I didn't know you were from Michigan," I said. She had never really discussed her past, how she came to be in Chicago, or anything of the sort._

"_I'm not," she said, grinning widely. "I've actually lived in New Orleans most of my life. But we've always gone to Michigan in the summer."_

_We kept walking aimlessly around the neighborhood until we couldn't bear the cold anymore. When the sun set, the temperature dropped drastically._

"_I should get head home," I said regretfully. "Thank you for visiting me this week."_

"_It's absolutely no problem at all," she grinned, shoving her hands in her coat pockets. "I know I'd want a nice change of pace if I was confined to my bed."_

_I smiled, putting my own hands into my pockets. My fingers were completely white from the cold. "Well, if you ever get sick, I'll smuggle you some chocolates as well. What else are friends for?"_

_I paused, realizing what I had just said. I called us friends, because that's what I assumed we were. But I never know what thoughts occur in Lily's head. Part of me suspected she thought of us as more than friends._

"_Snowball fights, of course!" She laughed playfully. _

_Internally, I relaxed. She thought we were friends as well. We were on the same page, so to speak._

"_You are a dirty cheater and you know it," I scolded. Sighing, I felt the burn of the wind on my cheeks. "I need to get home. I don't want to get sick again."_

"_Well, we wouldn't want that, now, would we?" She smiled. "Have a nice night, Edward."_

"_Goodnight, Lily."_

_Of course when I got home Mother was standing in the entryway._

"_Your cheeks are absolutely red, Edward. It's winter in Chicago; you should know better by now! You didn't even wear your scarf!" Mother admonished._

_Father walked into the entryway with a suitcase. "Listen to your mother, Son."_

"_I will, Sir," I said. I looked down at his suitcase. "Are you going out of town?" I asked._

"_Yes. I'm headed to Detroit for a couple weeks to help as a consultant for Ford Motor's lawyers. They need someone to help them go through their paperwork and various other things."_

"_Okay. Will you bring me back a car?" I asked jokingly. _

_He laughed. "I'll see what I can do." He looked down at his pocket watch. "I better head over to the train station. I'm seeing some college friends during the weekend; they'll be picking me up at the station and I'd hate to miss that train."_

"_Have a nice trip," I said. He patted me on the back and kissed Mother briefly before leaving._

_February 28, 1918_

_Father sent a letter today. His work is going well, but he still believes there's at least a week's worth of work remaining. _

_Mother has been organizing another charity event, but I'm not allowed to go because of my 'blatant disrespect for bed-rest and good health in general'. She still hasn't gotten over last Friday._

_I feel that this will be a short entry. The past few days haven't really been of importance. Lily and I have continued to walk around in the cold and have seen a movie recently with some friends. _

_My teachers were understanding of my late assignments. I still managed to get good grades in each of them. However, the track season still hasn't begun, and though the amount of snow is beginning to decline, I'm certain it'll still be two weeks before we can have our first practice._

_March 9, 1918_

_Father returned today, but it was immediately evident that he was not well. He's a large man, so it's off-putting to see him look so weak. _

_He hasn't been coughing or anything, he just looks truly… exhausted. This, apparently, is the first day he's felt like this._

_Mother mentioned that it's probably the same illness I had a few weeks ago._

_Father agreed, and went to bed very early._

_Track begins on Monday, and I am more than ready to begin. Lily has already begun racing me nearly everywhere we go. She claims it's to get me ready for the season. _

_Lily, however, has been having some struggles lately. Her parents, who I've yet to meet, are adamantly against her going to school, something she's been planning and dreaming of for a while. _

_This setback seems to have only made her more determined. She dreams of being a doctor, something she confided to me the other day. _

"_I don't like seeing people in pain," she mentioned as we walked along Lake Michigan. _

"_I don't think anyone does," I said matter-of-factly. _

_She shoved me gently. "You know what I mean. I want to know why people get sick and help cure them. I don't want to stand there hopelessly while my loved ones get colds, stomach pains, anything."_

_We walked in silence for a while after that before it began to rain. We hurried back to our homes, though we probably should have taken cover under a near building._

_The rain only got heavier, and I gave Lily my jacket for her to help protect her from the rain._

_She forgot to give it back to me; I'll have to get it from her tomorrow._

I closed the journal, keeping my place once again with the photo, and went downstairs. It was late now, and I could hear Renee come through the door.

Grabbing the pregnancy test box, I cautiously made my way towards her. She was alone, I realized, as she put her purse on the counter.

"Hi, Mom," I said, making my presence known.

"Oh, hey, Bella." She said, smiling. I walked over to her and sat down. Renee poured herself a glass of water.

"How was your night?" I asked politely, keeping the box out of her range of sight. I felt bad, going over the pleasantries when we had something much more serious than Renee suspected to discuss.

"It was great! Phil and I rented that new artsy movie, you know, the one with the guy in that action movie? And it has that girl from that TV show you watch."

I wasn't in the mood for trying to decode which actors my mom was talking about. I was tired, and confused, and needed some answers. I needed some piece of mind.

I set the box in plain view on the counter. Renee looked down at the box and back to me.

"Bella, do you have something you want to tell me?"

Was she serious? I had never been truly angry with Renee, but my patience was waning.

"Are you pregnant?" I asked. It was a simple yes or no question. There was no way to avoid it.

Renee pulled up a bar stool and sat, her hands grasping the glass of water. She looked at me, not avoiding my eyes as I had expected she would.

"Yes. I found out yesterday." She said. Her gaze was steady, and our conversation had taken on a business-like tone.

"Does Phil know?"

She shook her head. "I'm going to tell him on our next date; he's coming over here tomorrow night."

I looked down at the box. What else do you ask a pregnant woman?

"He's going to be excited," I offered. "He loves kids."

Renee smiled, and I saw the tiniest hint of what must be the pregnancy glow. "I know he will be. And I am too! I wanted to tell both of you together." She paused. "Are you… excited about having a half-sibling?"

I hesitated. "I'm excited for you." I chose my words carefully. I'd be at college after this upcoming school year, and to come back to Phil and Renee married with a baby would be strange. Yes, the baby would most arrive at some point during my senior year, but it would be only a few months old when I leave. We'd never really connect as siblings- not for a few years at least.

"Really, I am" I said with more enthusiasm.

**Thanks for all of your reviews! As a thank you, I'm posting this early. Please let me know what you think!**

**Side note: Edward's obviously not going to journal everyday. So, I hope you don't mind that I'm taking the liberty of 'fast-forwarding' some events. If you want me to go more in depth just let me know! Right now I'm just trying to find a good balance between journal and real-time.**

**Alright- I'm done now. Please review and thanks for reading!  
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